got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize