census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
