A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
