There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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