all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
