i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize