Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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