i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
