Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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