I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
