I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
