He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
