Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
