you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
