im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize