Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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