you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize