You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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