How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
