there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
