You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
