Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
