ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
