So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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