Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
