Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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