On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
