bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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