Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
