We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
