I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I think i got beer on your cat.
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