I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
