you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
