You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
