dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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