How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
