someone owes me an orgasm
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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