I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
