Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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