I wanna bring you to show and tell
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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