Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
