people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
