definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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