I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
