Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize