Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
