Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
