If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
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