I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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