I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize