yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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