im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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