Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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