she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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