hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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