my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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