i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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