There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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