i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
