thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
