i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
