It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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