ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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