Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She's the barista slut.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
