I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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