We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
