Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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