You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
