i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
