all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
