I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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