sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
