Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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