Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
