I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
