Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
