...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
