I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
