I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
