was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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